It might get loud

Have you seen the film that bears the same title as this post? Yes? No? If not, you should. It has three of the most iconic guitar players ever; Jimmy Page, The Edge & Jack White, and it travels through their respective guitar times and lives. Whilst they’re all amazing guitar players, they’ve all got a reputation for doing it ‘loudly’, and surprisingly, so has our Dyson vacuum cleaner.

We bought the first ever Dyson cylinder vacuum cleaner, known as the DC02, and sometime towards the end of the last century. Mr Dyson is an inspirational person and I have much respect for him and the teams he has created. Simply put, the DC02 was ace. It created the paradigm shift in vacuum cleaners that we’d all been waiting for, and it sat on the stairs really well too. As with all new technologies and products, this model didn’t sell as well as the upright version because it required people to change their habits and perceptions, which isn’t always quick. We loved ours and still talk about it to this day, and there’s a jolly good reason for that. In our opinion, every Dyson since has not met our needs or matched the overall performance of our loved DC02. We’ve bought more recent Dyson’s and even sold one on eBay soon after because we hated it.

Imagine our pleasure when a new version of that little original Dyson was released. We bought one straight away. We’re not absolutely happy with it either. It sucks in more ways than one, and the worst part is, the sheer noise of it! We’ve cleaned the filters regularly and all of the stuff in the handbook, but it’s a big noise in the house.

To prove my point, I’ve made some scientific-ish experiments. My 1975 Yamaha RD250B, to give it it’s full title, is considered quite loud when I set off in the morning through our sleepy village. However, if I put the Dyson next to the old Yam’ with both of them running, I have to rev the Yam’ pretty severely to be able to hear it above the racket that the Dyson is making. That big piece of well-moulded plastic will drown out my Bultaco as well.

I like the sound of engines and sometimes, very loud engines, but I wouldn’t thank you if it was in the confines of the hallway, which is where the Dyson spends some of its time sucking loudly and ferociously. Unlike the Yam’, the Dyson doesn’t have a variable power band which goes from a serene crackle to a wail when it hits 7000 RPM. The Dyson is just ‘on’, and loud all of the time.

These old Yamaha two strokes sound great with their standard exhausts. However, fitted with some racing expansion chambers, the audio world changes forever, and some say, for the better. The bike becomes loud as well as changing its engine characteristics. I’ve considered a pair of these exhausts time and time again, but not got around to buying some because the bike sounds good and goes really well as it is, so why mess it up?

The Dyson has made me re-consider making the Yam’ even louder with some special exhausts, and not because of anything to do with the Yam’ either, I just want it to be louder than the bloody Dyson! It’s not cool having a great bike that isn’t louder than your vacuum cleaner. I know the saying ‘loud pipes saves lives’ is partly true as drivers in wheeled boxes will hear you before they see you on a motorcycle, but having a vacuum cleaner that even drowns out the sound of the Honda lawnmower, isn’t good. It’ll eat the power washer for breakfast when it comes to scoring high on the noise-ometer as well.?

I like all engine sounds from the two-stroke triples to the V8s to the Rolls Royce Merlin aircraft engines, but the Dyson just does my head and ears in. I also refuse to change the Yam’ exhausts just to beat the vacuum cleaner in the sounds stakes, so it’ll stay with it’s original pipes. Just like the Yam’, the Dyson does it’s job well, but just like the title to this post and that great guitar players film, we really have to warn the cat, and people in the house at vacuuming time, that ‘It Might get loud!’

All photos by the Author